Interruption
A toy is a distraction from the mundane
It extracts the dull and creates joy—though temporary
But don’t worry child—for there’s a new one to come
But
What to do when your child retires for the day
And you are occupied with burdensome thoughts
Thoughts that can’t be distracted by a toy
—t.f.b.
There is a silence where your voice once lived,
not empty… just echoing with you.
I still reach for you in ordinary moments—
a song on the radio,
a joke you would’ve loved,
the way the light hits the kitchen table at dusk.
You are everywhere
and nowhere I can touch.
I don’t know when love
became something that stood at a distance,
something that folded its arms
instead of running toward me.
But mine never learned how to leave.
It waits…
soft, steady,
like a porch light left on
long after midnight—
not asking, not demanding,
just hoping
you remember the way home.
I replay the years like photographs—
your hand in mine,
your laughter spilling into the air,
the way you once needed me
without hesitation.
And I wonder
when did I become
someone you could live without?
Still…
if you ever turn back,
you won’t find anger here.
Just a mother
who never stopped loving you,
even in the quiet,
even in the distance,
even in the ache
of not being yours
the way I used to be.
I’m here for you…always.
Love,
Mom
There are things you’ll never know
There are words I’ll never say
I can’t find a voice for how much you’ve hurt me
Maybe because I don’t want to hurt you
Isn’t that strange?
Sometimes I think I could lose you entirely
Sometimes I think I would be better off
I certainly did so much without you
And yet I feel as though I owe you something
Isn’t that strange?
You say you want a friendship
But I didn’t come into your life already made
You raised me and shaped me and made me who I am
But now you berate me for not being what you expected
Isn’t that strange?
A parent asking for admiration
I think that’s strange
A parent with no desire to protect
I think that’s strange
You can’t have what you didn’t earn.
NARY A GLANCE
NOR A GAZE
NOR DOES SHE SHADOW MY THRESHOLD—
YET ALONE BREACH ITS BOUNDARY
I forgave you, but I’m not sitting at that table again
because forgiveness was my closure, not your invitation.
I let go of the anger not for you,
but for the parts of me that are still soft,
still loving, still becoming
the parts I refuse to harden just to survive what hurt me.
I made peace with what happened,
even when it reshaped me in ways I never asked for,
and in that quiet rebuilding,
I learned what I should have known all along
that healing isn’t just letting go,
it’s learning where not to return.
Because just because I’ve released the bitterness
doesn’t mean I’ll go back to the place that created it.
Some things don’t change.
Some conversations never grow.
Some respect never arrives.
And I’ve come too far
to keep shrinking just to belong somewhere
I was never truly valued.
I can forgive you and still choose distance.
I can wish you well and still walk away.
Because growth isn’t proving how much I can endure
it’s deciding I deserve better.
And sometimes the most powerful thing I can do
isn’t loud or dramatic at all
it’s standing up quietly,
pushing the chair in,
and never sitting there again.
Blinding white snow mounds Harding, as does my soul.
Awaiting for peace.
Like the snowflakes, peace swirls around us to come to rest on the hopefuls.
A Moment
Hearing the birds singing.
Seeing the deer roaming
The moment the birds stop their songs and the deer pause, I too reflect on the beauty that surrounds us.
The History of Manhattan
THE HORIZONTAL PASTURES —
MORPHED INTO THE VERTICAL —
STUFFED SKYSCRAPERS —
BRIMMING WITH HUMANITY —
I wonder what voices sound like after my loved ones transition above.
I only hear my Maggi’s voice in my memories.
I wonder what voices sound like now If I don’t have my hearing aids on.
I have severe sensory hearing losses in each ear and cannot hear.
I wonder what it would be like to walk, skip, run and jump again.
I have pain in my back and poor balance in my body and need a walker to walk.
I wonder, if I close my eyes and take deep breaths will I dream of days gone by
When I could hear and do physical things.
I wonder if I dream of life going forward
What would it be like as I travel my life’s journey.
I wonder…
My tears flowed like the falls of Niagara in the dusk of dawn the night your love returned.
Relieved/regret to be alive, still giving strength to our undying love.
My drug, my addiction, my life, my everything.
I was born under a Pisces moon
For a long time I didn’t know
Or if I had, I don’t know if it would have mattered
And I don’t believe in star signs
But I’m a very Virgo sun
And more of a Pisces moon than I ever could have imagined
Or perhaps I could have imagined
But like the moon there were times when almost none of me was visible
When I was reduced to a sliver of myself
I felt small, I remember that
How could I ever have felt small when I can create worlds with my mind?
How could I have felt small when I am so many things?
British and Brazilian
Scientist and writer
Pastel blue and midnight navy
Virgo sun and Pisces moon
